Text 28 Feb To Brittany

We have really been through a lot together
We had a lot of good times and some bad times
But me and you always work our problems out
We have always been there for each other no matter what
I just want you to know that you make my world that much better
Without you I don’t know what I would do
When I’m with you I feel like nothing can bother me
When we hug I don’t want to let go of you
When we hold hands I feel so good inside
I haven’t found anything about you that I don’t love
I love how you miss me when we don’t get to talk
It really makes me feel loved
If anyone says anything bad about you they don’t deserve to talk to you
I’m so lucky to have you as my girlfriend
You truly are the most amazing girl in the world
I’m so lucky to have such a wonderful girlfriend
I will love you forever no matter what happens

Text 29 Dec My Hero

He is always there, with time to share
Asking me how I feel, what I need and telling me what I should do
If he would have cut himself or opened a wound
To insure I got what I needed to live
I’m lucky I have the person I have
What a great person he is
He’s there for me through thick and thin
Where ever, when ever and what ever
So many songs relate to my life and him
Not enough to tell him that I love him
He’s the greatest and he deserves better
In my book he’s top notch and my hero
When I was a kid. he would come home
I would run to see him all caked with dirt
Makes me laugh when he smiles
What a great person to have
Might smell like beer
I don’t mind, not anymore
Give me a hug and it’ll last forever
Feels right and soft, like a fuzzy bear
There’s no place I’d rather be
Not when watching TV with you
You even support what I do
He’s amazing
I love him so
More then you’ll ever know
This man I talk about
He’s my one and only DAD
My life has been like a real bad car accident
He’s right there helping me get back to normal
This is for you dad
I LOVE YOU
and always will
You’re the best and don’t forget it.

Text 15 Dec Void

Emotionless void,
I have forgotten how to feel…
I forgot who I am,
Did I ever really know who I was…
It seems like I let myself slip into to the same idle routine,
Not letting my self think about what it is I really want…
I have forgotten the dreams of my child hood,
When everything seemed possible…
What is it that I have become…
Just a void gasping for the air that has been choked out of my body…
Reaching for some lost hope that died long ago…
Maybe there is nothing left of me but self loathing,
An empty shell that pretends to live…
This voice in the back of my head keeps edging forward,
Saying no you don’t deserve to be happy,
It convinces me that I am inferior,
Shouldn’t reach for my dreams
Killing all the hope I have…
Questions mount in my mind still,
Is there still something left for me out there?
Can I find the light at the end?
Do still have a chance?
Maybe I should let go of the things that held me back,
I want to reach for the sun,
But doubt convinces me that I will be burned…
Until I am once again a slave to the fear of failure…

Text 14 Dec Winter

Depression’s come to reminisce; speaking in low whispered hiss. Sullen eyes; she’s dressed in black; Running fingers down my back.

Spewing lies I’ve heard before; convincing mind to listen more. Take to my bed; days I sleep; dark lover’s arms; my soul keep.

Sings woeful song into my ears; takes the light in my sad tears. knows this season lays me low; She comes, with sorrow to bestow.

I will not breathe fresh air till spring; When light returns with the golden ring. The sun will evict my unwanted guest; Who steals smile; and gives unrest.

Till winter’s gone with skies so gray; I fear this taunting will stay. Memories of a better time I will hold; Dreams of warmth instead of cold.

Text 23 Jul Demons

Making me lose control

I’m fighting

Someone with fire as a soul; but a heart so cold

My inner demon

The one who won

Now what do I do

Don’t want to lose

He’s killing me

From the inside out

Makes me want to cry

Makes me scream and shout

 I’m near defeat

I put a knife to my throat

But then memories heals

the demon resides

I seem to be fine for the time being

They’re in my head

All in my body

They search through me

Control me

But I once again triumph

I killed them all

They will be back

but will never still my soul

Text 15 Jan 1 note Behind the cloak

Hiding below the surface of reality Have found refugee in the hands of fantasy Illusion is what lies ahead Stimulating my crazy head

The clock tic tacs as the time passes away All I can think is you in my memory In my soul you’ve been engraved, deep within And keep you there, odd things between

Can’t seem to touch with my grasp I can’t longer hold on with my clasp It is strange you’re not so far It is shows that you really are

Cool exterior is my false façade Like a pompous admiration is what I hide Can’t stop to think of you everyday It turns out I am already in disarray Your voice is like a gentle whisper Your thoughts always made me wonder Your smile if the curable answer To all these things that makes me whimper

I am embrace with invisibility I have this unnoticed agility Invaded by hollowness Torn asunder thoughts, its craziness

Sometimes I think your mirage, a illusion Ironically you have a different devotion Don’t know when to get it all out in these walls Confuse and sandwich still between truth and false

Text 25 Jul VOICES

here we go with the pain i feel inside

    but is it real or is it inside my head

    i find my self in places with names but no faces

    the devil must have planted the seed

    now i feel like my backs against the wall

    and im going to fall

    when ever i call 

    no one is there to respond at all

    i don’t know  who to trust

    they all scream my name

    all i know is i need someone

    to help me get out of this flame

    all im trying to do is master myself

    but someone keeps talking to me consciously

    responsibility keeps haunting me

    from dusk to dawn the voice has something for me

    the voice is projection paranoia

    cold swet beading down my face

    if i riped of my skin, id probably find a person

    there is nothing worse than trying

    to bring yourself back from the dead

Text 21 Jul SIMPLE WORDS

         these words are the simplest

     and easiest to understand

    they are the most powerful

     I LOVE YOU 

    i want to be with you always

    your the best that thing that has ever happened to me

    my hart flows like a river

    spilling my emotions into a sea

    in which the truth is unseen

    swimming with the silent grace

    to monstrous for light and land

    the truth feed on words 

    the words are the simplest 

    and easiest to understand

    I LOVE YOU

Text 21 Jul MY MASK

    I hide behind a mask

    You can’t see my face

    Looking at first glance

    I’m in a happy place

    The truth is, that’s a lie

    But you can’t really tell

    that in the back of my mind

    I think the world should rot in hell

    What’s the point of living

    If we are all going to die

    What’s the point of being happy

    If in the end we’re going to cry

    But this is something no one sees

    This is something no one knows

    And yet deep inside of me

    This feeling of hatred grows

    So even though this mask reveals a happy side of me,

    I use the mask as a shield to look at what others can never see.

Text 18 Jul Depression

    Everything around me is like a thick dark mist 

    I know in my mind it’s another life’s crazy twist 

    I’m walking along this lonely road in loud silence 

    I can see all the people around are staring at me 

    This all is making me feel like I’m some circus freak 

    Everyone is preparing to leave, but I always have to stay 

    'Back off' & 'Leave me alone' is all I wanna say 

    Suddenly there is a mirror right in front of me 

    It wants me to take a look, but I’m afraid to go near 

    I don’t wanna see myself

    I know what the truth is 

    I smash the mirror with my bare hand 

    All that broken glass is glittering in the sand 

    Blood is tripping down from my blood red fingertips 

    Tears run down my cheeks as I bite my lip 

    It starts to rain, and the wind whispers ‘life goes on’ 

    All of a sudden I start to hear my favorite song 

    I feel weaker & weaker as I fall down on my knees 

    Can no one see me falling apart at the seams 

    Those lucky bastards have all got the first class ticket 

    To my shitty life show like it’s some game 

    I’m so tired of being sorry, and letting myself down 

    I’m still wearing the costume but I’m not a clown 

    I can never let them to get near, and just get to me 

    With all my problems I’m still in chains, wanting to be free 

    No one asks if I’m still doing okay & what’s wrong 

    I have been down and blue and alone for so damn long 

    I’m just getting everything I’m supposed to have 

    Every now and then this life seems like a drag 

    I’m so numb and everything just seems to be bland 

    Is it really depression or just something else

    Sometimes I feel like I hate everyone, including myself 

    As if I’m dreaming but I cant because my eyes are open 

    Will I get through this? Do I have enough willpower? 

    Or I’ll just watch my life go by, hour after hour? 

Text 17 Jul Life is a Prison

life is a prison

oh God let me out 

no one to listen

  to here me when i shout

climb the walls of insanity

ride the waves of despair

if i fall it don’t matter

there”s no one that would care

used to wish for a window

to see birds, trees, and sky

but I’m better without one 

stops me from dreaming too high

watching freedom is painful

for those locked away 

seeing joy, love and happiness another price

i pay strong is good, week is bad

be it false, be it true

my mind makes the choice 

and enforces it too

with rules to adhere

if i breach the acceptable

i need to beware hide the pain,

carry on routine is the key

don’t let on that I’m not what i pretending to be

lock it all up inside me

how badly that feels

look out for that one day when all of it explodes

leaving nothing but an empty shell

mind barely functioning 

but killing all else that was uniquely me

so how do i grow with a time bomb inside 

or better yet how do i defuse it 

with out destroying its ride…….

I CAN”T


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